The Silence that Echoes
“Why does the Qur’an tell children to respect their parents, but not the other way around?”
Many of us have grown up hearing verses that emphasize respect and obedience toward parents. In countless households, the command, “Do not say ‘uff’ to your parents,” has been echoed again and again. Yet, rarely do we pause to ask what happens when this respect feels unfair, when obedience begins to feel like silence, and reverence masks pain.
The Qur’an, however, is not a book of blind obedience but one of justice. Its verses seek to protect the vulnerable, not simply uphold the hierarchy. This includes children as much as parents. It is time we revisit how we interpret these verses, not to diminish parental respect, but to restore balance.
The Traditional Framing: One-Way Respect
Typically, verses like “Do not say ‘uff’ to your parents” (Qur’an 17:23) and “Be grateful to Me and your parents” (Qur’an 31:14) are recited to reinforce absolute obedience. These teachings are vital, honoring the sacrifices and struggles parents endure. However, this selective reading can obscure another fundamental Qur’anic truth: respect must always align with justice and mercy.
When these verses are misused, respect becomes a burden, a silencer rather than a healer. Many children feel compelled to accept emotional neglect or injustice, believing any protest would defy divine command.
Justice Over Hierarchy
The Qur’an provides clear counterpoints to this one-dimensional reading. Consider verses such as, “Stand out firmly for justice, even against yourselves or your parents” (Qur’an 4:135), or “No soul bears the burden of another” (Qur’an 6:164). These verses explicitly state that justice must prevail, even above familial loyalty.
Moreover, the Qur’an instructs, “If they strive to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them…” (Qur’an 31:15). Here, we clearly see that blind obedience is never the goal. Instead, the divine framework insists on truth and fairness above hierarchy and tradition.
What the Qur’an Doesn’t Explicitly Say
Yet, many of us feel an emotional absence, a missing verse explicitly stating, “Parents, do not harm your children.” This lack of explicit accountability has led to misunderstanding and misuse of parental authority.
The reality is, the Qur’an embeds parental accountability within broader ethical principles. Justice, compassion, and humility are virtues expected of everyone, parents included. Thus, the absence of a specific verse is not oversight but a testament to the expectation that power is always checked by principles.
Fitrah Is Not a Moral Shield
A common assumption is that parents naturally know how to treat their children due to fitrah (natural disposition). However, fitrah can be clouded by culture, ego, trauma, or ignorance. Many children grow into adults carrying wounds inflicted under the guise of parental authority.
The Qur’an never assumes parental perfection. Rather, it emphasizes parenting as a sacred trust. A trust that must continuously be guided by justice, mercy, and ethical reflection. Parents are not inherently correct because of their position but must actively earn respect through righteous conduct.
Children as Vulnerable Beings
The Qur’an consistently advocates protection for vulnerable groups: orphans, widows, and the oppressed. Children, though not always explicitly named, are fundamentally vulnerable. Emotional, spiritual, and physical vulnerability makes them particularly susceptible to harm under misused parental authority.
Thus, respect should never become a weapon used against vulnerable individuals. When children are told to respect parents unconditionally, even in the face of harm or neglect, we abandon Qur’anic ethics. True Qur’anic respect must elevate the dignity of both parent and child.
Mutual Accountability
We need to reorient our cultural and spiritual frameworks toward mutual accountability. The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, “Each of you is a shepherd, and each of you is responsible for your flock.” This applies equally to parents and children.
Parenting should be seen as stewardship, not ownership. Respect must flow in both directions, grounded not in authority but in love, justice, and ethical responsibility.
Building a Juster Pyramid
Like the enduring structures of the pyramids, strong relationships are built on balance and mutual support. To truly honor our faith and our families, we must reconstruct the narrative around parental authority, making it a dialogue of respect rather than a monologue of power.
Ultimately, respect should never silence truth; it should amplify it. Let us commit to building families founded not on blind obedience but on mutual dignity, justice, and love.
