I have dated enough to notice patterns.
Some are charming. Some are deal-breakers.
And some slip quietly beneath the surface, disguised as emotional intelligence and maturity, until they reveal something more troubling.
There is a particular moment that I have encountered often. A connection seems promising, conversation flows naturally, and mutual respect is present. But when the relationship demands real decisions, something changes.
“I need to check with my therapist first.”
At first, I accepted this as responsible and healthy. Therapy is important, and seeking guidance can be wise. However, when that response became the default, even for routine choices or simple conflicts, it began to feel different. It no longer seemed like self-care. It felt like outsourcing responsibility.
When two people are dating, decisions should be theirs to make together. Yet, increasingly, I felt like there was a third person in the relationship. Someone invisible, yet powerful.
This pattern was not only frustrating. It signaled something deeper. It suggested a growing inability to navigate life without external validation.
The Rise of Therapy Culture and Its Slippery Slope
Let me be clear from the start. Therapy has helped millions, myself included. It has saved lives, rebuilt spirits, and offered comfort during dark times. The growing acceptance of mental health care is one of the most positive shifts of our era.
Yet, as with all good things, boundaries matter. Therapy is supposed to help individuals grow, not to make decisions for them.
There is also the reality that therapists offer a paid service. Like any professional, they have financial obligations and need clients to sustain their practice. Ethical therapists work to empower their patients to eventually move forward independently. However, not all succeed in letting go, and some patients resist leaving the safety net.
When therapy evolves from processing deep emotional wounds to managing daily decisions, something is wrong. It is no longer about healing. It becomes about handing over control.
In romantic relationships, this can be especially damaging. More than once, I felt I was not in a relationship with a partner, but rather in a relationship that included an unseen mediator.
That is not intimacy. It is intervention.
Enter AI, the New Invisible Influencer
This issue does not stop at therapy. Artificial intelligence is quickly becoming the next advisor many rely upon.
People now turn to AI for everything from minor questions to life-changing dilemmas.
“Should I quit my job?”
“How do I handle this argument?”
“Is this person right for me?”
AI is undoubtedly useful. It can assist, clarify, and even inspire. But it does not know us as individuals. It lacks personal history, emotional intelligence, and understanding of our unique values. Unlike therapists, AI does not operate within ethical boundaries. Its only goal is to produce coherent and engaging responses.
Unfortunately, coherence does not equal wisdom. Just because an answer sounds convincing does not mean it is right. When people lean on AI for serious personal decisions, they bypass their own judgment. They sidestep the difficult but necessary process of reflecting, feeling, and deciding.
Life rarely presents itself in simple options. Often, the path forward is uncertain. That is where our inner compass should guide us, not algorithms.
The Problem with Outsourcing Agency
Why is this a concern?
Because it reflects a larger cultural issue. We are slowly losing trust in ourselves, or maybe we lost it a while back.
Therapy and AI are intended to support our autonomy, not replace it. However, they are increasingly being used to avoid the discomfort of responsibility.
There is comfort in letting others decide for us. It reduces anxiety and limits the risk of failure. However, it also weakens our decision-making ability. Without making mistakes and learning from them, we stay stagnant. Without trusting ourselves, we remain unsure and fearful.
Healthy relationships depend on confident and self-aware individuals. These connections thrive when decisions are made collaboratively and honestly. They do not flourish when shaped by unseen third parties.
A Call to Reclaim Self-Trust
This is not a rejection of therapy or AI. Both have important roles to play in modern life. However, they should not take the place of personal judgment.
No one knows us better than we know ourselves. Our instincts, shaped by experience and values, should remain central.
Relationships, careers, and life choices should be guided by internal clarity, not outsourced opinions. The next time you feel tempted to ask your therapist or AI, “What should I do?” take a pause. Ask yourself first. Sit quietly with the uncertainty. Let your instincts speak.
You may find the best answers were waiting within you all along.
In a world filled with noise and advice, the bravest act today is to trust yourself.
